


May I, Bones?

by WeWillSpockYou



Category: Chris Pine - Fandom, Karl Urban - Fandom, McKirk - Fandom, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Domestic Violence, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:25:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones shies away from touch, Jim tries to figure out why.</p><p>***WARNING This story deals with past domestic abuse. Please DO NOT read this story if this could upset you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May I, Bones?

I’m a tactile kind of a guy. I touch people. I like it when people touch me. A hand on the shoulder of a cadet in my hand to hand class is meant to praise or calm. Manly slaps on the ass are par for the course during weekend flag football games. And hey, what can I say, I’m a hugger. I hug people hello, goodbye, to soothe, to heal. Like I said, I touch people.

If there was ever someone more in need of a patented James Tiberius Kirk hug, it’s my cantankerous roommate, Leonard McCoy, or Bones, as I have nicknamed him. I have never met a more standoffish person in my life. He shies away from situations where I am likely to touch him, which I have to admit hurts my ego.  My feelings too. I really like him, like him more than I’ve ever liked anyone.

One night I had gone by the clinic where he works to bring him some dinner. There had been a nasty, multi-car accident on the freeway and I knew he wouldn’t leave when his scheduled shift ended. On nights like that, I would stop by with a turkey sandwich from his favorite deli so that he would have a meal to eat on the go.

The nursing staff knew me well enough to allow me back into the patient area to look for Bones. I stopped when I heard his low voice speaking to an audibly upset mother. When I looked around the corner his hands were gently holding her shoulders as he explained the next steps. The mother thanked Bones profusely for his help and put out her hand to shake his to express her gratitude. He merely nodded at her extended hand and stepped away.  I realized in that moment that it wasn’t my touch that repulsed him it was touch in general. Armed with this knowledge, I set about trying to find a way for Bones to accept my touch. To accept me.

 

I’ll be the first person to tell you I hate housework, cooking and doing the dishes. I try to avoid these things like the plague, much to Bones dismay. He likes to grumble about me not pulling my weight and you know what? He’s right. I decided to be more helpful around our dorm, but I won’t lie, I did have an ulterior motive. It struck me that if I were more domestic, it would allow me to be physically closer to Bones as we made dinner and cleaned up afterwards. Not to mention winning me brownie points for being a better roommate.

One month later, my plan was working to perfection. Bones seemed happier at home and with me. He was opening up more about himself and his life before deciding to join Starfleet.  He no longer shied away from me when bumped into each other in our tiny kitchen. We now brushed shoulders regularly which always sent a bolt of lightning through my entire body. I didn’t know if Bones felt the same way about me, I was just glad he wasn’t acting skittish around me anymore.

It had been a long week of exams. Finals week was always brutal, but with my accelerated class schedule I had been taking back to back exams for most of the week. I had been so busy studying and racing to my next exam that I hadn’t had any time to ask Bones how his exams had gone. The only interactions we had this past week came in the form of plastic wrapped meals he had left for me in the fridge. I guess this was his way of reminding me to eat, the same way I did when I brought him dinner at the clinic. He always left a note reading, “Eat,” on the plate and I would leave a note saying, “Thanks,” in the spot where he’d left the plate.

Now that my last exam was done, I headed back to our dorm room. All I wanted was a hot meal and about three weeks sleep. Thankfully, I could smell dinner cooking from the hallway. “Hey, Bones.” I called out when the room door closed behind me.

“Hi, Jim. How was your last exam?” He was busy stirring a pot which I knew contained his grandmother’s marinara recipe. Bones knew this was my favorite meal and I knew he’d made it to celebrate the end of finals week.

“Long and painful. How was your Xenobiology exam?”

“Surprisingly easy. You got enough time for a shower before this is ready.”

“Will you make the corkscrew pasta?”

Bones answered by holding up the box and shaking it. He knew the little twisty pasta was my favorite too.

I showered as quickly as I could, wanting to spend as much time with Bones as I could before falling asleep. I knew it would be an early night as I had a hard time keeping my eyes open in the shower.

Bones was placing our plates on the table just as I walked back into the kitchen. “Good timing, Jim.” He smiled. It was the first time I had seen his amazing smile all week. I had missed it. I had missed him.

The meal was delicious. We talked and laughed about exams, both agreeing how glad we were that they were over. I started telling Bones stories from my childhood. I could usually get him to laugh when I told him about some of the more outrageous things I’d done in my misspent youth. I told him about sneaking out of my bedroom window one night to meet my boyfriend. I had been grounded for coming home late covered in hickeys and was immediately grounded. I needed to see him in a way that only sixteen year olds can need each other so I snuck out the window. The limb I shimmied out onto broke under my weight sending me crashing to the ground and to the emergency room with a broken wrist. Bones was laughing so hard his face turned red. It was amazing to hear him laugh.

Not wanting the night to end I reached for our plates and walked them to the sink. Bones was moving around the kitchen behind me as he put the leftovers in a container. He was in the process of handing me the saucepan when my fingers “slipped” on the faucet hose sending a shower of water straight at Bones’ face. His face was soaked as was his hair which sent his bangs falling across his eyes. We were both laughing at my “accident.” It was wonderful to hear our voices joined together.

I casually reached up to brush Bones’ unwieldy bangs out of his eyes and flinched hard like I’d struck him, backing up so quickly away from me that he stumbled over his feet a bit before finally catching his balance again. He had a scared look on his face as he turned from me and headed for the door.

“Bones, I’m sorry. I-”

He bolted from our room. I stood alone in our now empty dorm, the sound of our laughter still hanging in the air, wondering what in hell had just happened.

I finished doing the dishes and cleaned up the rest of our tiny kitchen. I must have picked up and put down my comm ten times that first hour he was gone. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, but I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. I wanted to tell him to please come home, but since I didn’t know what had scared him so badly, I didn’t want to ask and push him further away.

Instead of going to bed like my exhausted body demand that I do, I made a pot of strong coffee and set my mind to wait up for Bones. It was during my fourth cup of coffee I realized what had spooked him; it was raising my hand to him. All of our other touches had not involved me using my hands. I thought back to that patient I had seen him with and remembered Bones had refused to shake her outstretched hand and had even gone so far as to back away from her touch.  I sighed, realizing Bones’ hands were an instrument of healing while other hands, to him, were an instrument of pain. Who had hurt Bones? Worse, why? I felt tears wet my face as my tired eyes finally lost the battle and closed.

 

Thunder woke me up hours later. It was full dark now and my neck was stiff and sore from falling asleep on the arm of the couch. I stood up and stretched my aching body. Looking out the window, I could see rain slashing against the glass. I hoped Bones was somewhere warm and dry. I picked up my comm again and was about to text him to beg him to please come home when I heard the beeps of his keycode being entered into the panel outside our door. Bones walked in soaked to the skin.

He looked shocked to see me. “Thought you’d be sleepin’.” He mumbled.

“No.” I shook my head. “I wanted to wait up for you. Wanted to tell you how sorry I was for ummm, for raising my hand to you.”  I hoped he could hear the sincerity in my words as he was staring at his sodden shoes.  He stood like he was rooted to the floor.

“We should get you into the shower so you can warm up.” I walked into our bathroom hoping he’d follow along. I turned the water to warm, testing it with my arm to make sure it wasn’t too hot for Bones, then grabbed a fresh, fluffy towel from the closet and hung it on the rack. I walked back into our bedroom and into Bones’ closet grabbing an Ole Miss shirt and his favorite pair of flannel sleep pants. I set them on the closed lid of the toilet and jumped a mile when I turned around to see Bones standing in the doorway in his boxers. I smiled and moved out of the way so he could get into the shower.

I turned down both of our beds and set out Bones favorite fuzzy blanket just in case he still wasn’t warmed up all the way.  Now all he would have to do was slide into bed once he was warm and dry. As the water continued to run in the shower I wonder what to say to him. How could I get him to confide in me or trust me again after I had crossed his line earlier?

I had hoped that our months of living together would have earned his trust, but it seemed like he didn’t trust me at all. I finally admitted to myself that I had no idea how to handle this situation. I wanted to hug him. Wanted and needed him to hug me back, but that was out of the question.

I had just laid back on my bed, my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling when the water in the shower stopped. I felt my stomach plummet and decided I would wait to see what Bones did when he came out of the bathroom. I would follow his lead.

He walked out a few minutes later dressed in the clothes I had set out for him. His hair was a mess, not neatly combed as it always was after a shower. He’d obviously only finger combed it and his messy locks made him look younger, almost boyish.

Bones surprised me by sitting on the side of my bed near my hips. I kept my hands where they were, pillowing my head. “You okay?” I asked gently.

“Yeah.” His voice was soft. “Thanks for takin’ such good care of me.” His head was ducked and he seemed to be staring off at some spot on the floor. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Sure Bones, anytime.” I didn’t know what else to say to him.

“She used to hit me.” He said with no preamble.

Cold fury lit in the pit of my stomach. How dare anyone raise a hand to him? “Your ex-wife?”

Bones nodded, turning his head further away from me. He looked like he was trying to bury his face in his own shoulder.

“There’s no shame in that, Bones, nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m here for you and you don’t have to hide from me.”

“I just let it happen. I never did anything to stop her. I took it, just stood there and took it, Jim.”

I didn’t know what to say. The urge to sit up and pull him into my embrace was overwhelming but I stayed still, waiting for him to continue.

“Bad days at work, fights with friends, speeding tickets, a spilled glass of wine. She blamed me for everything and punished me with her fists.” He took a deep shuddering breath. “Everyone loved her and laughed along when she told stories about how clumsy I was. How I’d tripped and fallen and that’s how I hurt my shoulder or how I’d been carrying too much and didn’t see the last step and had smashed my face against the door.” He absently swiped at the tears falling down his face.

I could feel my own tears, wet on my face but didn’t make a move to wipe them away.

“No one knew what was really going on behind closed doors. Not my parents, not hers. I finally got up the courage to leave and file for divorce. I was too ashamed to admit what had been going on. Everyone thought the divorce was my fault. She’d told everyone I’d cheated on her and I was happy to let everyone believe it.”

“I’m glad you got away from her, Bones.” What I didn’t tell him is that I hoped she burned in hell.

“Cost me everything I had, even my freedom.” He said quietly.

“Not true, Bones.” I smiled at him as he chanced to look up at me, a look of disbelief on his face. “You have your pride, your safety, your work and classes and you have me.” I moved my leg toward him, brushing against him with my knee.

“M’sorry I ran, Jim.”

“Me too, Bones, because you got caught in the rain. I’m sorry you felt threatened and felt like running was your only option.”

He looked up me with a shocked expression on his face. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Nope, just worried, Bones. Please promise me if you have to leave like that again you’ll comm to say you’re safe and dry?”

He huffed out a small laugh and nodded his messy head.

“I know it’s going to take time, Bones. But you’re safe here. Safe with me. I will never raise a hand to you in anger. I promise. I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

He managed a small smile. Tears were flowing down his handsome face. I moved forward to comfort him but stopped myself before he could flinch again. “May I, Bones? May I touch you?”

He nodded and I unfolded my hands from behind my head. I sat up slowly, keeping both hands in front of me as I moved closer to him. “I’m going to rest my head against yours, okay?”

“Yeah.” He whispered.

I gently rested the side of my face against his. I could feel the tickle of his breath against my cheek as well as the wetness of his tears. I stayed as still as possible, letting him get used to the contact between us. When he leaned harder against me, I knew he was feeling more secure with our touch. “Bones, may I put my hands on your hips?” I felt him nod against me. I moved my right hand toward him. “My right hand.” I whispered as it landed on his left hip, “Now my left hand.”

We sat like that for what felt like hours when I felt his hands brush against my lower back and hold on. “How does that feel, Bones?”

“Feels good, Jim.” He whispered, but I could hear a smile in his voice.

It did feel good.

**Author's Note:**

> Ordinarily Bones or Jim will whisper an idea or a line of dialogue to me and a story will start to form from there. With this story, Bones showed me a picture of Jim moving to touch him and Bones flinching in response. I could feel the heartbreak in the pit of my stomach. I wouldn’t say I was excited to write this, but I was intrigued by the idea of it. I mentioned this story idea to someone back in July who told me they didn’t like it at all, so I stuck it in my sketch notebook and left it alone.
> 
> A lot has changed for me in the last month or so and I’ve been working hard on catching up with my writing. I was flipping through the sketch notebook the other night looking for a sketch for a Georgia On My Mind special chapter when I flipped past the note for this story. It grabbed my attention immediately. I made some additional notes and wrote the whole thing, nearly 3K words longhand, at lunch on Friday. My fingers ached for the rest of this day. I was batting away tears the whole time I was writing.
> 
> It was odd that this was Bones’ idea but that he had Jim tell the story. I was half way through this when I realized why we were telling the story this way…Bones wanted to tell his side of the story after Jim and you will see that soon. 
> 
> I know this is fanfic, BUT if you are in a situation where you are being hurt at home, please find help. Be safe and know you are loved.


End file.
